Sunday, April 06, 2008

Another side of life

Right now, it feels like life sucks.

Ok, probably the worse happening is the stuff of nightmares - you think you've hung up the phone but you haven't. You make comments and say things that you hadn't planned on being recorded. You then realise what you've done, and you pray the other person doesn't listen to the message.

But they do. And then they ask if you left a message. You admit you do. They ask if you remember what you said. You don't. They tell you. You wince, you blush, you wish the ground would open up and swallow you. The latter doesn't happen have to face the music.

You apologise, but you don't feel any better. You try to explain your position, say that in fact you were frustrated but everything you said wasn't directed at them. They don't want to talk about it again, they cut you off. It doesn't make you feel any better, even if they continue talking to you.

Today you get pulled aside. Someone takes comments you have made which they have taken personally. You listen, you understand where they're coming from and you try to explain it wasn't mean or personal on your part. They accept that but said you always do it. You know that is not the case, but that is the way the other person is translating the situation. So you listen, say little, apologise and go your way. You realise that some people are more fragile than others, it doesn't matter how you put it, your comments will be taken personally anyway.

So combined, everything begins to look a bit crappy. And you're tired, tired of trying, tired of putting up with other people's baggage, tired of feeling used. So you keep to yourself, you say little or nothing, but all the time something inside you is screaming...but there's no one to listen to you.