Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Outside the windy common

The ladies outdoor pool at Hampstead Heath. It's quite secluded and the pool itself is relatively deep - but it doesn't matter to me cos I can't swim!

We're thinking of going there again on another day...and I'll babysit :)

A view from Parliament Hill on the Heath..well, that's what the book said!

A couple of photos taken when four of us (and the baby) visited Hampstead Heath.

When we arrived it rained like crazy - and we sheltered underneath a tree. Guess who didn't travel with their mac? Did a good bit of walking and a pleasant day was had by all.

Friday, May 27, 2005

Let it be me

My CD finally arrived! Well, they said it wasn't in stock, but then it turned up two days later. I never understand these things...

Having finally figured out the duet was done by Betty Everett and Jerry Butler, I've been singing it for the past few days. You know there are some songs that bring things to mind? Brook Benton's "On A Clear Day" is one of them, and "Let it Be Me" is another. Reminds me of being little, sunny days, and for some reason Brook Benton reminds me of Sundays or some afternoon siesta time with very little people traffic around.

I'm still trying to figure out what the trigger was for this song - maybe it was the weather, but the song got stuck in my head (yup, I remembered all of the words) and so I feverishly searched the web to find out who sang it and where I could find an album with the song on. Good thing I remembered the intonation and everything, when I finally found it I was well chuffed.

But then I found I can't listen to it more than three times in a row - which is probably a good thing really. Now to find me a Brook Benton Greatest Hits album. Wonder if I could go back and nick my father's?

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Start me up

Paul cracks me up for real. We end up in Starbucks chatting at lunch time until I figured we needed to leave as it was getting busy and we had finished our...er...snack, for want of a better word. Funny enough, I could tell when the sun was down by the fact that his pupils dilated. Then I'd look back, and realise there was no more sunshine. On Thursday we found ourselves in Clapham Junction in Pizza Express. Chatting, again.

Well I'm convinced we were there for about four hours, it was like he didn't want to leave but my problem is that I'm too aware of my surroundings. Fortunately it wasn't a busy night, otherwise we would have been in trouble! We chatted about all sorts of things, but I can't get used to the staring. Looking at someone is one thing, but when someone is staring at you it's very uncomfortable, and it makes it hard to maintain eye contact because then you're "transfixed".

He has a strange way of laughing, kind of like having a partial fit. My laugh like that is to throw my head back, probably clap my hands or slap my leg, and laugh. Guess we all do it differently, and I think I've figured out a way to "calm" it down. It seemed that he didn't want the evening to end, whereas for me, fatigue was setting in (too many nights out methinks).

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Today was interesting for a number of reasons. First, I found myself late (again) in my meeting with Paul this evening. For the life of me I cannot figure out why I find it so hard, despite having lots of time, to get somewhere on time?

Ok, this evening I had a good excuse - I overslept! I didn't think I'd fall asleep that hard, but I did, and I woke up at 5:21pm which gave me approximately 40 minutes to get ready, leave home and get to Victoria Station on time!

What happened? Remember Murphy's Law Rule No. 1? With that in mind, I did manage to get ready in 10 minutes, fortunately I hadn't missed the bus, there were lots of people at the stop. When I got to the station, my first mistake was to sit down, which I never do when I'm getting off at the next station. Good thing I looked up when I did, otherwise I would have missed the station I had to change at. Once I eventually got to Victoria, I then proceeded to go into the wrong tunnel and found myself heading for the District and Circle lines, a totally different direction to where I had intended on going. Paul of course was rather good natured about it when I turned up, but I felt really bad, even though I was only 10 minutes late, as I had told him earlier.

All in all I had a really good evening. What I thought would have been a short, two hour meeting ended around 10pm. Even then I had to insist that he went home! It was a bit of a shock to me, the exact opposite of what happened last Friday. But it was a shock in a number of other ways and had me seriously thinking about what I had been doing for the past few months, and people I had overlooked.

I walked from Victoria to Waterloo that night. This is the second time that I've done it, but this time it seemed shorter - probably because the bridge wasn't cut off to pedestrians like the previous time. And I didn't realise that I passed Westminster Abbey in the process. That was one of the main things I enjoyed about it, that you can see all of the sights without the inconvenience of tripping up over loads of tourists. It was a nice walk, even walking along the riverside - there were lots of people around, and I can imagine that in summer it gets even busier. I enjoy walking, always helps me think. In fact, I might just do it again at some point, with camera in tow perhaps?

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Ships that pass in the night

Every now and then you have an experience which either makes you angry or laugh. This was one which made me do the latter.

Got into a conversation with someone I met online, it was going well and after talking for about an hour, he suggested we meet up somewhere locally for a bit. I really didn't want to go out again but agreed to meet at a station not far away.

Had a bit of trouble getting to the station, there were lots of people around and it was quite busy. When I got there he was calling me as I had been coming around the corner. So I smiled, looked at him and said "maybe if you hang up your phone, that phone will stop ringing". He looked at me kind of dazed, and hung up his phone.

It was an awkward meeting at best. I felt that he was being polite by hanging around but he really wanted to go almost as quickly as he got there. He was very fidgety and I struggled to maintain a casual conversation. We left after a drink (the pub was closing), and he saw me across the traffic lights before getting into his car and driving off. I waited for the bus (not long) and got home not long after.

Late morning I'm online and who should I see but the same person. But I ignore him and continue to look at other things. Then I received a request for an IM, and lo and behold it was him! So he starts talking to me, as you do, and I'm convinced he doesn't remember it's me he's talking to. So he asked what I was doing that day, and I said going to the shopping centre. He asked where, and then asked where I lived. I said "the same place I told you yesterday. Or don't you remember?"

Needless to say almost instantaneously after that he said "gotta run" and closed communication! Now I thought that was funny - he was silly enough not to remember who he talked to yesterday and who he was talking to today. Thing is, I'm not even looking for anything other than friendship, but then everyone's agenda isn't the same. Having said that, he's not the kind of friend I want. Relationship-wise, my sights are set elsewhere...

No skin offa my nose - life goes on.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

This Love

Now I know that I'm not the only person in the world who isn't big on Usher and his supposed six-pack. I cannot see the fascination and I don't think he's that great an artiste. But it seems that everywhere I go he seems to be creepily looking back, especially if I go a-hunting for music, and people rave about him. Maybe I'm getting old or I've missed something. I dunno.

I'm still puzzled and trying to figure out how you go after a guy you're interested in. Haven't gotten past "first base" on that one, and everyone I've asked seems to be as perplexed as I am. For example, got talking to Rose and she suggested saying hello...well, what if you're way past saying "hello"? How do you take it to the next level? What IS "the next level" anyway???

My eyes are sore - hayfever season strikes again. Noticed it when I left the building today, or maybe it's my lack of exposure to fresh air (like it exists in London!).

Today I registered with the local dentist especially after the "spitting tooth" episode. My appointment is on the 19th, I'm just praying that things will hold until then. In any case, I have the emergency number for the Dental Hospital just in case...well I hope I have. I wrote it down somewhere...

Friday, May 06, 2005

Lonesome valley

This morning I really didn't want to read the news. When I did, I wasn't sure whether to feel sorry, cry or just be relieved. Thankfully I have been spared the ordeal of waking up to a potential Tory government, but Labour aren't out of the woods by a long shot.

I was pleased to note that, despite the local Lib Dem candidate losing, she lopped off 10% of the vote from the Labour incumbent.. The Tories weren't even in the race - they polled about the same as last time, though I noticed that the Green Party weren't far behind with 4% less votes, what seems like an increase for them over the 2001 elections.

A couple of things have been going through my mind a lot recently, not related to politics - I'll only address one of them here.Got into a conversation with a friend this weekend who said something along the lines of "if a woman wants to get a man then she knows how to go about it". His ex did whatever she did (unbeknowst to him) to "get" him. My experience has been very different - I have never had to "do" anything to get a man's attention, and to keep it? I'm just myself. So I cannot relate to what sounds to me like "scheming" to get a man. He then goes on to say that women always pick out certain qualities that they don't want - and men don't? There are superficial people out there, that is a fact, but no right thinking mature woman wants a man who will be a millstone around her neck. No woman wants someone who will insult her intelligence, use her, take advantage of her, and then expect her to stay strong and silent just to be with him/keep him. Any man who thinks this is acceptable is a fool.

Everyone wants that special someone who will compliment them, support them, someone they feel secure with, and someone they can talk to, relate with and love. They want to be loved and respected in return. Not everyone can offer that.

For someone to suggest that I leave my church and go to a church where there are more men really doesn't know me nor what Christianity is about. I do not believe I am called to traipse around from church to church in search of a man. I have been in churches with numerous men and that was not my purpose for being there and I still didn't get together with any of them, apart from making very good friends (even to this day). My first obligation is to serve God first, everything else is secondary. In fact I have friends who go to big churches and have been there for years, no man nor marriage yet. Does that mean they should leave their church and go elsewhere?

Even amongst the "pool" of eligible men, there is an even smaller pool with which a person is compatible. We are not compatible with everyone of the opposite sex by virtue of being of opposing genders!

My point to him is - and I don't mean to be horrible to him in any way - if he knows the answers to the question (supposedly) why is he still single? He seems more bothered about me being single than I am. He has asked numerous questions and implied and said things which leads me to think he's either projecting his feelings of his own singleness on me or he's trying to "suss" me out.

In the end I nearly blasted him but I held back. My response was that I've loved and lost, it was the best and will always be the benchmark for anyone else who comes along. If it never happens again I won't die and shrivel up. There are enough people who love me and I love them, I've got more than enough to keep me occupied. I do not hate my own company, in fact I quite like it, just as much as being around others. But I'm not willing to be with a man just to conform to what people think I should be doing at the detriment to my own mental and emotional health (been there, done that, never again).

I don tire o! These people who think they should tell you what you are supposedly doing wrong which is why you are still single are cruising for a....if I was that inclined.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

All around the world

My blood pressure can't take all of the excitement....

Went to the polling station, which has now moved next door from the church hall to the primary school. After the ordeal, I treated myself as only a girl can...through retail therapy! Actually I wasn't really out to buy anything except a skirt or something. In fact, found that skirt I wanted in M&S reduced to a fiver - saving me a tenner. Cool.

Walked up the hill from the bakery, passed the MPs office - this time around there were balloons outside. Wanted to pop them, kinda like a prophetic act (thinking of the OT prophets that bashed the arrows on the ground). Might not have had the effect I wanted, but it would have felt good.

Some things baffle me about people and being out and about in public:

First of all...
*What is this thing about putting your bag on the seat, especially when the bus is getting full? Have you paid for your bag to have a seat? People shouldn't have to ask you to move your bag cos you're too inconsiderate to move it.

*If you're going to overtake someone, don't stop dead in front of them or walk slowly. In fact, if you are going to stop on a busy street, it pays to look before you suddenly stop.

*Usually if someone says "excuse me please", it means they want to pass. On the other hand, I cannot detect or sense the presence of people behind me who can't be bothered to say "excuse me". And who hover, like a bad smell on your shoulder without saying a word.

*If you're going to walk in public in a group, have the decency to move out of the way when the lone pedestrian is approaching. You haven't paid a hog tax for the pavement; if someone walks into you and your friends walking 10 abreast, chances are you deserve it. A bit like in one of The Verve's videos.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

MercyMe - "Almost There"

For the longest time I've tried to buy an album by a group I've never heard of before. So far this year I've exceeded my minimum total by....one.

On Yahoo Launchcast I found myself listening to a song by MercyMe and fell in love with it. On one of the sites I'm on someone mentioned buying MP3s pretty cheap and legitimately, so I went there.

Most of the music is "headbanging" stuff, but I did find lots of good jazz there - downloaded some Dave Koz and Candy Dulfer as well as the latest Ray Charles album. Problem was that it took so long to download the music I was up until the wee hours of the morning doing it.

And Saturday, whilst downloading some music, I was pleasantly surprised to find two MercyMe albums. I have been listening to one song over and over again... the album itself is great, but that one song just does it for me. I also downloaded a couple of Gladys Knight and the Pips songs - I didn't think after all of these years that "You're The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me" could cause me to cry. Perhaps it's the timing - he would have been 43 on Friday. I hate those moments.