Thursday, February 22, 2007

What you see...

Sometimes I wonder if I miss something in the big scheme of things.

Today I got a lift from someone who was doing the same course I was doing. He lives not too far away and said he'd have to pass through my neighbourhood so he didn't mind the minor detour.
As the trip went along he asked me about myself and said I seemed like a nice person, why wasn't I married? That is the million pound question that I don't have an answer for. There's a diversity of interest, but I have come to some interesting conclusions; there are a lot of people out there looking for a "booty call" but aren't serious when it comes to relationships. They will do what they need to do to get you in bed, after that the "love" disappears and eventually so do they. As I told my travelling companion, I'm holding out for that guy who shares my values and who in turn values me.

Now I think about it, what Dan says is making more and more sense to me. When it comes to negotiating relationships, we women have an awful lot of power at our disposal. We tend to hold men at arms length for a while and when we fall, we fall completely. However, when it comes to getting into our beds, we do have some degree of control over that, often it is a matter of our will, hormones included. Not easy, but not impossible.

If we want someone to commit to us, we need to function in such a way that we "have him where we want him" so to speak, before we decide to succumb. It all seems too complicated and even conniving for my liking, but I'm beginning to realize it makes sense. If someone really loves us, he will do what he needs to do to be with us. A man who doesn't respect us doesn't respect our time nor anything we can offer. Some people - in fact, too many - are out to get from a relationship what THEY want, rather than seeking what is in the best interest of the other person and working towards a goal.

Nowadays I get a lot of guys in their early 20s chatting me up, it's weird! Today the guy who gave me a lift didn't believe it when I told him how old I was, but I'm finding it fascinating. The guys are cute, but truth be told while it's flattering, I take it at face value. Where were these guys when I was younger? I had loads of male friends, I've had guys who fancied me but were too shy to say, or they were relegated to being friends.

Having said that, I am so enjoying getting older!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

A new friend

The story of my friend's cousin is an interesting one. It all started near Christmas, when my friend abroad asked me to get in touch with his cousin who was here on holiday. The cousin was due to visit him but, for a variety of reasons, he was unable to, so he was "stuck" in London with other family.

Unfortunately I didn't get to call him as soon as I would have liked, but I did call him after my friend pestered me with text messages. I had forgotten my phone at work, got all the way home before realizing it and had to go out to get it - all on Christmas Eve. When I picked it up there were all of these messages from my friend abroad to contact his cousin, which I did once I got off of the underground. We talked for about an hour, and then arranged to meet up on Boxing Day, as it was my only day off.

We talked on Christmas Day, and then met up on Boxing Day. I don't think I had any particular expectations, but, realizing he hadn't done the "tourist" thing, so we went on the London Eye and talked - a lot. Afterwards, we continued talking in a restaurant. We then talked every day until he left at the weekend, and we never talked for less than an hour.

Meanwhile, friend abroad was talking to me and seemed to think there was something going on between myself and his cousin, because we seemed to get on so well. He was kind of teasing me about it, but I didn't pay any attention because it felt like he was fishing for information. However whilst I was on holiday, I then got the gist of why he responded the way he did; according to him, we are both saying the same things about the other to him, which is why he came to his conclusion. Not that I can remember saying anything in particular, we both liked each other, we text each other regularly and that's it.

So I'm now being presented with "what if he...." I prefer to deal with concrete situations, not speculative ones. Maybe I know more about the situation as the insider than an outsider does. If I were going to say anything about the situation, it would be directly to the cousin and not to anyone else - that, as far as I'm aware, should be the way things are done.