Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Stepping out

I have been walking a lot lately. Laura has one idea of why I walk, but after walking from Purley Way to Thornton Heath I realised that somehow, since returning from Kenya, I just want to walk.

Shell figures the weather might have something to do with it, but I doubt it. Even when it's cold I don't want to stay in, I have to go out and walk. I'm so thankful for buying that lightweight mac!

What I do is get ready, put headphones on and just walk. There are a few routes I take, and sometimes I chicken out at the last moment and change routes. I followed a different route on Sunday and enjoyed it tremendously; think I have to walk it in reverse to see how long it was. Normally I try to gauge how long it'll take, after a while I just enjoy the walk and forget about the time.

At first I thought it would wear off, but it hasn't. On Sunday I was beginning to feel a bit stir crazy and couldn't put it off any longer - I had to go out. The same thing happened on another evening. At first I thought it was an excuse to wear my new £21 trainers I got from JJB sports, but yesterday I had on my Ikons and the walk was just as good. I just liked the walk, enjoying the scenery....I think I know why I walk so much these days.

Walking helps me think. And I seem to think alot these days, even with my headphones on. Plan strategy, write letters or make speeches in my head. I imagine what it would be like passing my driving test, driving my car, staying with Val and the kids, seeing my lil brother when he comes in July. I imagine what I will be doing a few months from now, compile the basics for my Personal statement for my teacher training application...

Saturday, April 15, 2006

No easy way

For the past few days/weeks, I have been wondering if I had done something to Mr Man to get the reaction that I'm getting from him, and it hurts.

I texted him whilst I was on holiday, but got no response. Whilst on holiday, one rainy night I tried texting him and it came back "destination unavailable". Having heard nothing from him, I then sent an email two days before returning home. That evening I tried calling him but there was no reception, tried topping up the Celtel credit but with no luck. I opted not to use my contract phone abroad because, from previous experience, I didn't want to unnecessarily run up my phone bill by simply connecting to the local network which happened to me previously. When I finally got through we talked for 3 minutes, 15 seconds and almost all of my credit was gone after that.

On the Saturday when I returned I called him about six times before I heard from him just after midnight. It was only when I got home after charging my landline and listening to the messages did I realised he had changed his number. It was his number that popped up twice on my mobile phone, but as I didn't recognise the number (plus he had left no message) I didn't respond. What I couldn't understand is why he just didn't tell me in a text message, which I would have gotten sooner?

He came over on Monday, but appeared uncomfortable and seemed to be in a hurry to leave. He surprised me by staying for an hour before taking the packing boxes and saying he'd be back on Thursday. Thursday was another one of his many no shows, and to be honest, I'm disappointed and sad.

To top it off, he then sent me a text today message saying "I haven't heard from you, please give me a call". I was like "what the...?" HE didn't bother to show up on Thursday when he said he would, neither did he call to apologise nor did he say anything whatsoever. Yet I'm supposed to call him??? Fortunately, sitting on a train near some footie loudmouths whilst editing pictures meant I had no plans on replying any time soon.

How can you treat someone consistently with disregard, expect no reaction from them but yet want them to be there for you? I'm no angel, but I have been racking my brain to figure out what I have done to elicit this response from him for the past month or so. He doesn't call me, but he seems to expect me to call him. He only came around if I had something he wanted/needed. The fact that he didn't even send an email when I was away when he didn't hear from me to find out if I was ok was telling.

Something is wrong and he will not deal with it. And so I will not be running around after him. When you have to call someone 6 times before getting a response, or you send text messages and get nothing in reply, something is definitely up with that person. It's not about not being confrontational, more to do with not being honest, a quality he seems to be lacking.

And in case you're wondering, no, I'm not bitter or angry. Just disappointed.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Hello Mama Africa

For three weeks I have been in Kenya with my friend Laura. It's amazing how, a trip that we started planning over a year and a half ago, can go by so quickly!

Kenya is an amazing country, I am looking forward to returning and visiting Kisima school again.

So many things went through my mind - the sights, the smells, the scenery. On the day we arrived, once we left the airport the smell of Africa came back to me. Never let it be said that Kenyan are lazy people - there was a traffic jam at 6:30am and everywhere we looked there were loads of people making their way to work!

But most memorable was the travel: the 120+kph matatu trips that took you flying past an articulated lorry; the dodgy taxi that took us to Diani beach; the delayed train journey from Mombasa back to Nairobi (yes, we made it in time to fly back home!).

At times like that you realise that you have no choice but to take each day as it comes (Matthew 6:34)