It's been so long....
I don't know why, but I was so sure I'd posted here in the past year. Obviously not, and probably for a good reason. This blog evolved into my "therapy" blog, where I could write all my rants and no one else would see them but me. I actually have a blog on myspace which is my more public blog.
Let's see, what's transpired since December 2009....left job, changed location, did something new, had some highs and lows, got Malaria, now back. It's been a time of learning and...I gots me a "new" phone! Well, not entirely new, just a used phone but it was free so yes, I feel good about myself :D
Might use this over the next few weeks/months as I progress from my frustrating attempts at trying to find work again. Although I miss the people I worked with, I don't miss the job in any form, least of all the person who tried to make my life a misery for my final few months. God is indeed faithful and won't give you more than you can handle. Even when it feels like too much, having done all, stand.
Five Loves
Looking back, I have been privileged to be loved by at least five good men in my life. They were all relationships of a type, but not necessarily dating ones. They pretty much raised the bar for everyone else. I thought of them recently because although I haven't had many romantic relationships, these were people who were truly gentlemen. They were sincere, honest, and loved and appreciated me in ways I couldn't understand. They were different types of relationships, I only really went out with one of them - albeit briefly. Maybe it was just the way things were done then, it was quite old fashioned now that I look back on them.
The first was Mark. He was the brother of someone I went to school with, and he was besotted with me, I was about 13/14 then, he a few years older. I wasn't as carried away by it all, but he would call me all the time, we'd have interesting (if not the most stimulating) conversations, he was very attentive. We went out a couple of times and the most he ever did was kiss me on the cheek. Even after we went our separate ways he said he'd always name his first child after me. He later got married and had a daughter who shares the same first initial but not the name. At some point he and his family moved not far from my parents and would always bring fruit from his tree for me, even after I had left home.
The next was Don. Thing is, I didn't realise Don had a thing for me until I foolishly went out with a close friend of his (big mistake). It hurt me to realise I'd hurt him, we didn't speak for a few years. He even saw me once and walked off as if he didn't know me. Later I approached him and we started to talk again, and I apologised for unknowingly hurting him. Today we're still friends, when we meet up it's as if we take up where we've left off. He is the kind of guy a woman would definitely want to take home to mother :)
The third was a friend from church who was very encouraging in my early walk. We would have the most interesting theological discussions by phone, and it never occurred to me that he was even interested in me - boy I was so blind to these things back in the day! After church, him, another friend and myself would walk down the hill talking about the sermon or aspects of it. The first I learned of his interest was when a friend of his decided to have a word with me and told me of his interest. I remember it taking place in the garden at church, he was telling me how much his friend liked me and was basically pleading on his behalf. Being perhaps not as tactful as I could have been, I simply said I didn't feel the same nor saw him in the same way. After a while, I switched services and saw them less. Much later he started going out with someone else, I don't recall if they were engaged when I was around but I believe they got married and emigrated to North America years later.
Fourth was what I considered my first great love. Maybe it was because he was the first person I had developed feelings for that I could recognise. We began as friends, remained friends for a number of years, our relationship evolved but for some reason we never breached the "more than friends" barrier for fear of losing what we had. Years later we met up again after no contact for years, it was as if we hadn't parted, this time we were older, more mature and a lot had gone on in between. Didn't mean we weren't hesitant but this time I wasn't reading the signs wrong, and he slowly confirmed this. Sadly things ended as quickly as they started, and that was the end of the chapter.
After that I had prayed I would meet someone similar without expecting them to be exactly like him. Along the way I encountered some characters but I didn't take them seriously. Until I met my fifth, Final and Greatest love...even then I didn't take him seriously in the beginning! And to think it all started with me sending a message over three years ago....
Dirty little secrets
Dirty little secret No. 1; I am addicted to Haribo Strawbs. I used to really be into Starmix, but when I came back from holiday in April I got such severe headaches and felt so ill, I knew that relationship had to end. I then tried to do cold turkey, but last month went back on the wagon. I could eat a packet in a day, but I try to stretch it to two days.
Dirty little secret No. 2 is....Mario Kart DS. It's been the only game in my DS since late March. I took it out and played Brain Training...for a few minutes. Then I switched back to Mario Kart. I even play it on the train home from work, sometimes finding that my body is turning and my elbows keep bumping the poor unsuspecting passenger next to me as I power break into corners and try to avoid banana skins in the road.
I don't know if there's a cure. Right now I'm trying to get a rating above D and E in the 150 class and when I get that win and unlock something new, I might stop. And there are still some Strawbs left over for tomorrow....
