Sunday, May 27, 2007

Another piece of history lost

On my way to work I got a call saying "the Cutty Sark has burnt down". My mind was racing, I didn't quite know what to make of it.

Last summer I used to sit opposite the Cutty Sark, admiring it and eating my sandwiches. The fascination with "old things reminds me that, as I touched the ship, a hundred years ago someone else admired it and did the same thing, probably in the same place. That to me is of more value than anything else.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Don't cry out loud

Sometimes I feel like crying, sometimes I just want to shake something, hit something, kick something. And sometimes - in fact, most of the time - I just want to sleep.

I'm wondering if the reason I have felt so emotional is because of the lack of sleep. I have never been a good sleeper, and recently the lack of sleep has been driving me to distraction; being awake for two or three hours in the early morning, not being able to shut off my brain, barely dozing off before having to get up for work. One day I woke up at 7:05am, next thing I knew it was 8am - it took me 15 minutes to shower, get ready and get out of the house!

This pass weekend has been a particularly emotional and difficult one; I'm not sure how a simple statement managed to get blown out of proportion, why, because I've spoken to one person, I'm putting another down by not saying anything. I am confused as to how, by simply saying a sentence, my words can be taken to mean something else. It's taxing and right now I don't need it, I just want to be left alone. I don't want to speak to anyone. Why I said I'd call I don't know, because I really don't have anything I want to say. But I keep my word somehow. I get up, go to work, come home, try not to think too much about what has been said, try to count my blessings. At least I have my cake to look forward to next month :) Shayne was impressed by my discipline in not eating it by now.

Every time I get this nonsense thrown at me, my friend comes along to cheer me up. It is never planned, it happens at the right time. I don't think he knows how much he means to me and how much I appreciate him. He challenges me and the great thing is he isn't in awe of me - I love him! He makes me think, he asks tough questions, he tells me things straight. Now if I could only kidnap him and bottle up the goodness I would... :)

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Hard day's night.

Once again, I've submitted my application for teacher training. So far it's plodding along, this year I've only given myself 3 options, and the first has been unsuccessful...which isn't totally surprising.

Got talking to a friend who I did the course with last summer, only to find that she has now abandoned teacher training, and hopes to do social work instead. She was shocked that I didn't get through, but she's been very encouraging. When she told me what happened I could understand, but part of my brain began to panic - how many of those who applied last year are in the same predicament? And at what stage do you call it a day?

I've decided that if I don't get through with teacher training this year I need to study next year. I've got a few courses in mind, will wait until this process is over before finalising it. Speaking of which, I've threatened Dan with shipping if he doesn't get on a course next year. He's my project this year. So I'm working on Plan B and left him to work on Plan A. Next year this time, we shall see what has happened.

Yesterday I asked if I could apply for a secondment, now that my probation period was over. I was told that I hadn't been in the organisation long enough. My Line Manager, though a nice person, is so disorganised that it's all I can do sometimes not to scream at him or be overly passive in the face of anything. It's like every little decision we make must be "discussed" when there is no need for discussion. He procrastinates terribly, one of the reasons he gets away with so much is that there really isn't any "oversight" - that is, no one pulls him up on a number of things...except me at the best of times. It has gotten to the point where I don't even bother saying anything anymore, and I think he knows. He's gotten into many bad habits and it will take a real shake-up for him to change.

Today Sue and I took a stroll in Canary Wharf. Someone drew to my attention this week a place called "The Crypt" which she said is great for a romantic meal...true, but I'd have to find someone to take first! Likewise, Canary Wharf is a fascinating place to walk around, it's like another world. And, it is very easy to get lost there! I got a voucher which gives me a fiver off which I have to use on Monday.

Would you believe I didn't even remember it was a long weekend?