On Birthdays
Every significant birthday brings with it thoughts of its own. They are milestones to remind you of what you may have accomplished, the disappointments, things that could be changed, and new beginnings.Mine started on a somewhat downward spiral over a couple of months ago, becoming somewhat depressing and is now on the up. After a while I couldn't sleep, it was driving me up the wall, I was getting worried that I couldn't get out of the quagmire. I stopped talking to the one person I enjoyed talking to, basically withdrew into myself.
Work was not challenging, I was thinking repeatedly if there was anything I had done to bring me to this place? Often it is said that you should be grateful for what you have, I'm very grateful for the love of my family and friends, to have a job and a roof overhead - having worked in housing for years I know all too well how insecure it feels not having anything.
Everything I have ever gotten in life I have had to work twice as hard as most people I know. They always assume a lot of things are straightforward, whereas in reality life has often been an uphill struggle to achieve the little I have. Was having a convo with my brother last week who said I had accomplished a lot of things - I simply did things I didn't want to do in order to get what I really want. I just happen to be one of those people who do many things well but to do fifty different things just to get the one is emotionally and mentally taxing. You appreciate what you eventually get, but at what cost? The lost years wandering in the desert, wondering if the dream is only a dream is never meant to be or if these are "trials and tribulations" to be expected.
So another milestone birthday is coming up. Time for reflection and not navel gazing. Time to set in place a plan for the next one. Realising that so much has happened in the past but all I really have is NOW. And I will continue to pursue my dream until I get therem which I know I will.
