Think carefully!
I said what I wanted to say for the longest time. Not sure what to make of it, but c'est la vie. Before I said anything I thought carefully about it, namely what it would potentially cost me. Time will tell how high the cost really might be. Am I fazed by it all? Not any more, I feel as if a burden has been lifted.
This past week I have seen more drama from two men than I have never seen from any of the women I have known over the years. I have said all I'm willing to say on the subject, and from here on I have nowt to say. His cousin confuses him with the issue and goes on and on about it, so he feels the need to do the same to me. Unlike both of them, one of us has to behave like an adult and so it is left up to me - THE MADNESS HAS TO STOP!
Please, if I tell you something, take it in the context which is was said. Don't add to what I have said and unless you hear it directly from me, don't read into it. If you want clarification, ask. My comments were attributable to me, so I mentioned you, big deal, what I said was so vague I don't know (unless you're messed up) how anyone could interpret my comments as your opinion, which is supposedly what your confused cousin has done! And I'm sure, because he's got you going around in circles, you will think the same thing - after all, it's what you want to believe isn't it?
If you want to know what's going on, go back to the person that said I said x or y, don't ask me. You should know me well enough to know whether what he's applying to me in your name is true or not. At this stage if you don't believe me I don't really care any more, believe what you want because I'm not going to say 'yes' or 'no' to any of it. Nonsense!
Men and their drama!
Houston, we have a problem
On Monday night he came in pretty late, was a bit ticked off as he was sent around the houses but finally managed to make his way home. We chatted until 2am in the morning, and I didn't get much sleep.
This morning we left at the same time. I was running a bit late for work, needed to get the next train or I was stuffed. I gave him a hug, walked towards the door, asked if he was ok and he said "yup". I walked to the door, turned back and said "have a nice time". He smiled at me, adjusted his backpack and by the time he reached for the cases I was out of the door. I raced to the station, stood on the platform and looked up at the cloudy sky.
As the train pulled into the station, my vision was becoming blurred. I realised that I'd left three packets of tissues at home and there were none in my bag. When I got on the train it got worse, and I realised I was crying. Fortunately the carriage wasn't full, there was only one person on my side of the carriage so I could sit and cry and wipe my eyes in my sleeve - well, dab my eyes, and slap myself for forgetting to put tissues in my bag.
That evening, when I came home, I seem to walk automatically in, went into the kitchen and then my view started to cloud again. My reaction surprised me, because I didn't think I would find myself crying again. Last time I was a bit gung-ho about his leaving, after all it was the first time we'd met. It seemed so quiet afterwards...which is not to say he's particularly loud (he does talk loudly on the phone) or has a large presence (even though he's about 6' 2"), it's just nice having him around. It's never any pressure hosting him and I don't feel the need to make my limited space mega-sparkling - he appreciated it as it was, didn't complain about space or privacy. If he wasn't happy or comfortable about something he would say so. He's dead easy to please, so for me it isn't an effort to do anything when he's here.
In a couple of weeks he'll be in transit for 10 hours. He may come this way, or I may make my way to the airport and then we'll go out for a bit - it hasn't been decided yet. I admit I miss him a lot, which is probably one of the reasons I wasn't bothered not seeing him. By not seeing him I didn't have to feel this way.
Waiting
So I'm standing in Heathrow Airport, looking up at the Arrivals board. The flight should have been in earlier, yet it never registered on the board. For some reason, only two flights are listed due to arrive at 12:15. I tried to Blackberry it via the BAA website, I didn't even realise that the page had loaded as I would have to scroll through so much dross to get what I wanted. So I'm waiting. I arrived early; last time I arrived early it was at Gatwick Airport and my brother came out after an hour and a half.
For some reason, I think there's a law that says if I turn up early, the person who I'm waiting for will be late. The reverse, if I turn up late the person I'm waiting for arrives early. Oh well...
So I stand there, gradually getting hungry, and an hour goes by. I left home at 9am, got the bus into Croydon and then got the express to the airport - sweet! I didn't think I'd get there on time but I did. Contrary to the timetable, it takes just under 2 hours during non-peak times.
Eventually I get a phone call. Apparently they're still waiting for their luggage after an hour. So I have no choice but to wait some more. People are wandering around in arrivals, and, annoyingly, pushing past me into the small space between myself and a fellow wait-er. So I step forward to shrink the space. I know there's enough room behind me, so why are they pushing past me and not even saying "excuse me"? One guy thinks he's much smaller than he is, pushes me and past me, and in my mind I'm thinking... "I want to grab you and say in a sinister voice "if you ever push past me again without saying "excuse me" you will regret it". In my mind I give him a good thump, but then I start to laugh outwardly because I'm the only black person standing here and...
Another hour has passed, and this time the call I get tells me that an announcement over the tannoy stated that, due to the inclemency of the weather in the USA, the luggage is delayed. But the flight didn't originate in the USA and it was a direct flight - the announcement made no sense! Two bags came out and that was it, the belt went around empty.
About 2 and a half hours later, I see a familiar figure coming through the door pushing a trolley. He was tired but not as tired as when I had taken a wrong turn and got the bus from the airport to Kingston. We missed the express and so caught a bus which, according to the timetable, should take 65 minutes but took 90 instead (again, non-peak time). He constantly reminded me that I dragged us this way than take the underground into the city and back out, which would have taken just as long. I'm really going to have to step up the learning to drive thing.
Eventually we arrived at my place and he said "oh, I'll sleep there", gesticulating to the sofa bed. Uhm...that's where you were going to sleep, there ain't no way you wudda got into the loft bed! We both went out in different directions, him towards Peckham, me to try and get a key cut. Well, the long and short of the latter is that the key guy was clueless as to what type of key I needed, so I spent £7 on a dud. Fortunately I got a receipt, so I will be taking it back and will go to a proper locksmiths next week!
Loaned him my pay-as-you-go mobile, explained that no, you don't pay to receive calls; no, internet access is not time limited; no, I'm not bothered if you use up all of the credit; yes, I will get up and let you in even if I am in bed; no, snoring doesn't bother me; yes, I am a nice person - too nice it seems but I can't become what I am not.
